Tear In My Hand
by Anika
Summary: Songfic about a neglected couple we all know and love. Not the usual couple I write about.


Title: Tear in my Hand   
Author: Anika  
Disclaimers: Don't own it.  
  
"I knew I told Dorothy he was still alive, but in my heart, I'm starting to doubt." Noin thought as she entered her darkend room. It had been four months since Libra; the most painful four months of her life.  
  
Lighting a lone candle, she sank down on her bed, depressed. Today was his birthday. He would be 20. That is, if he had survived the blast. He was always so selfless. So noble. Damn it, why couldn't he have been shallower! If he were, then he wouldn't have died.   
  
The silence of her room was too much to bear. Noin crawled wearily out of her bed and made her way over to the radio. Flipping it on, she heard an up-beat, cheerful song. Making her way back over to her bed, she paused and found meaning in the lyrics of the song.  
  
"All the world just stopped now  
So you say you don't wanna stay together anymore  
Let me take a deep breath babe  
If you need me, me and Neil'll be hanging out with the dream king  
Neil says hi by the way  
  
I don't believe you're leaving   
'Cause me and Charles Manson like the same ice cream  
I think it's that girl  
And I think there's pieces of me you've never seen  
Maybe there's pieces of me you've never seen well"  
  
Falling into the mattress, Noin choked back a sob. She had known him since they were kids. And now he was gone. Just like that. And the song wasn't helping. She hugged a pillow to her chest and closed her eyes.  
  
Just then, there was a soft knock on the door.   
  
"Come in."  
  
The silhouette of a young girl was formed, and Relena walked in. She shared the gloomy expression Noin was wearing, knowing full well why this date was significant.  
  
"Noin, I..." The young minister started, but trailed off when the older woman motioned for her to sit beside her.  
  
"Relena, how are you? It's been a while since I've seen you last," she greeted, trying to cover her depression. Relena only looked at her with her intense blue eyes, knowing what she was going through. Fishing around in her purse, she found and handed Noin a rumpled envelope, saying,  
  
"We were going through some of my brother's things today. I found this. It's addressed to you." Noin took the paper from Relena, seeing Zech's familiar handwriting on it. Her name was on the front in his plain scrawl.  
  
"Thank you," she said, holding the letter close to her. Seeing that she wanted to be alone, Relena tactfully left the room.  
  
"Noin, you can call me anytime, you know that, right?" she asked over her shoulder. The black haired woman nodded listlessly, preoccupied with her own thoughts. Relena sighed as she exited the room and hoped that her mentor would be okay.  
  
With shaky hands, Noin opened the envelope. Its contents spilled onto her bed, making a small pile on the thin sheets. She unfolded the letter and began to read with red, swollen eyes.  
  
"Dear Noin,  
  
As I'm writing this letter, I am Millardo Peacecraft, leader of the White Fang Rebellion. I have been trying to put my life as Zechs Merquies behind me; to forget about my bloodstained hands brought on by the life of a solider. But I find that there is one thing I do not wish to forget. That is all the time a have spent with you. From the beginning of my violent journey, you were there for me, supporting me. And when I revealed my identity to you, you didn't shy away in fear. Instead, you were all the more supportive of my cause.   
  
I want you to know that, even though I am a different person than the one you once knew, I still admire your courage and will. The things that I found a comfort as Zechs I now respect as Millardo.   
  
I am writing this letter because I have this feeling, a gut instinct, that I will not survive the coming battle with the Gundams and Treize's army. As Millardo, I respect you and felt you deserved a final goodbye. As Zechs, I love you with all my heart and wish there was another way, a way we could be together.  
  
Your Eternal Servant,  
  
Zechs Merquies"  
  
Noin threw the letter onto the floor in anger. "How dare he!" she raged. "He gets off easy with a simple letter, and I'm stuck here mourning him! Its not fair! Its not..." She trailed off, choking back a sob. The lyrics of the song rang through the room, mocking her.  
  
*All the world is  
All I am  
And the black of the blackest ocean   
And a tear in your hand  
  
All the world is  
Danglin' danglin' danglin' for me darlin'  
You don't know the power that you held   
With a tear in your hand  
  
And maybe I ain't used to  
Maybe's smashing in a cold room  
Cutting my hands up every time I touch you  
Baby, maybe its time to wave good-bye  
Time to wave good bye now*  
  
Noin threw her pillow at the stereo, causing it to crash into the wall, stopping all music. Screaming in rage, she rose out of her bed and stormed over to her dresser, pulling out all the drawers and throwing them around the room. She pulled off the covers to her bed in a fit of fury and strew them around her small room in her apartment.   
  
She sank unsteadily into her soft bed, the tears she tried to hide in her rage bubbling to the surface.   
  
"Oh, Zechs," she sniffed, drying her eyes. "Why did you have to be so damned brave?"  
  
Laying there, she realized that the only way her tired mind would find peace was to be with the one whom she loved. Sighing in resignation, she rose from her bed and strode purposefully over to a small entable, the only one spared in her tyrant. Pulling out the drawer, she picked up the object; what she was looking for. The dark haired woman ran her hand over the glossy barrel of her gun and smiled slightly. Closing her eyes, she put the weapon to her head, and prayed to God forgiveness.  
  
"Oh, please. Don't shoot yourself on my account," a deep, familiar sounding voice commented from her bedroom doorway. Noin's eyes snapped open as she recognized the relaxed voice of the figure in the entryway.  
  
"It's you," she muttered softly, dropping the handgun to her side. "After all this time, you've finally come back."  
  
The figure nodded slightly and entered the room, a slight smirk upon his rogue-ish features.   
  
"So, whom am I talking to," Noin continued angrily, even as the body neared her and put its strong arms around her, "Millardo Peacecraft or Zechs Merquies?"  
  
"Neither," he answered, whispering softly in her hair, "I stand before you not as the leader of a nation or a battle hardened soldier."  
  
Noin shrunk from Zechs' embrace. Turning her back on him, she coldly hissed,  
  
"How dare you come back? Did you know that everyone thought you were dead?"  
  
"Well, I'm not," he answered back, taking offense to her frosty demeanor. "I came back for you, if that means anything."  
  
She turned to face him, disregarding the tears that were streaming down her cheeks.  
  
"Did it ever occur to you that I have gotten on with my life? The last four months without you, I discovered who I really am. And now you come walking back into it, and expect me to happily accept you with my arms wide open. Well, its not going to happen, Zechs, its not going to..." she trailed off, not being able to continue. She turned away from him once again, unwilling for him to see her crying.  
  
"Then tell me why you were going to kill yourself," he muttered softly, more to himself than to her.   
  
"Why should I tell you anything," she hiccupped, "You haven't confided in me for a long time."  
  
Zechs reached out to her and put his hand on her arm. Very slowly, he turned her around to stand facing him. He brushed the tears from her face and whispered,  
  
"I know you don't trust me. All I'm asking you to do is listen."  
  
Noin pouted. "Fine. But make it quick."  
  
He sighed and sat down on the bed.  
  
"When Libra exploded, I was caught inside the detonation. Epyon was severly damaged, I'm surprised it survived the blast at all. I floated around space, unconscious for three weeks, I think. I crashed on Earth, and a native tribe in the middle of Africa nursed me back to health. That's where I've been all this time. And believe me, Noin," he took hold of her shoulders to look straight in her eyes. "I thought of you every day. Every second. Every fiber of my body told me to get to where you were. But I wasn't able to. You understand, right?"  
  
Noin gazed into the sincere man's eyes and weighed her options.   
  
"I guess I can forgive you," she decided after a moment's pause. Zechs sighed in relief before she could add, "But on one condition."  
  
Zechs looked slightly nervous. "What's that?"  
  
She smirked. "Never do that to me again."  
  
He laughed a deep, pleased laugh as his eyes focused on Noin. "I never did have to worry about your sense of humor."  
  
The dark haired woman gave a small chuckle and said, "So, what did you mean when you said you came back for me?"  
  
The tall commander sobered for a moment. "I meant exactly what I said. You're coming with me. Remember back in the Academy, when I promised I would take you away from this place when the war was over?"  
  
Noin's eyes glazed over as she tried to recall the incident he was speaking about. Then, she remembered. It was the day before graduation; she had been camped out on the floor in his room for the past semester due to an annoying roommate. She had been on the verge of slumber when he had muttered those words to her. She thought he was talking in his sleep.  
  
She smiled slightly. "Yes, I remember."  
  
"Then lets go," he responded, grabbing hold of her hand.   
  
"But Zechs," she protested, "I have to work tomorrow, and there's a million things I have to do, and-"  
  
She was cut off abruptly by Zechs' index finger on her lips.  
  
"Shut up," he said wryly. Grinning, Noin followed him out of her apartment and to his car.  
  
"So, where are we going?" She asked, once they got going.  
  
"You'll see," he responded darkly.  
  
"Oh, great," Noin groaned, "Another surprise destination. This is certainly like the old days. Except we don't have to kill anyone, ne?"  
  
The tall man gave her a side long glance and asked,  
  
"I wonder, did you ever get a letter..."  
  
"Yeah, I read it right before you arrived. Relena gave it to me."  
  
"Oh." An awkward silence fell over the car as he realized what she knew.  
  
"I never meant for you to read that," he said glumly.  
  
"Cheer up," Noin answered, "There was nothing in that letter I already didn't know beforehand."  
  
An hour passed, and the two caught upon old times. Noin filled Zechs in on how his sister was doing, how the Earth Nation had recovered from the attack from White Fang, and the current events. Zechs was content just to sit and listen to her narrative.   
  
Finally, they reached their destination. He reached into his coat pocket and produced a small strip of cloth.  
  
"Close your eyes," he told her, smirking slyly. Noin rolled her eyes.  
  
"You've got to be kidding me," she muttered as Zechs tied the blindfold over her eyes.  
  
He led her out of the car, and onto a gravel-covered path. The trail was smooth at first, then proceeded steeply downhill. Noin faintly heard the sound of trickling water and breathed in the scent of pine. They stopped, and Zechs removed the blindfold; she sucked in her breath at the sight she beheld. They were standing on a cliff overlooking a rushing waterfall. Surrounding them were dark trees and underbrush of the forest. She crept towards the edge carefully, to get a better look at the waterfall.  
  
"It's beautiful," she murmured under her breath. Zechs approached her and glanced at her intense face.  
  
"Yeah," he agreed, "Beautiful."  
  
"How did you discover this place?" Noin inquired.   
  
"It was during a battle," he answered his voice hollow as he recalled. "I was flying towards Antarctica, when I saw this place from the TallGeese. I made a mental note to bring you here one day."  
  
Noin leaned on his shoulder as they watched the waterfall flow steadily downstream. He put an arm around her waist and they stood like that for what seemed an eternity. It just seemed right. Both were caught up in the atmosphere, the moment.   
  
"Noin, I..." Zechs trailed off, lost in her soft violet eyes. He felt his face flush and he quickly turned towards the waterfall.  
  
"Yes?" She asked hopefully. Noticing the slight coloring on her friend's cheeks, she figured that it was up to her to make the first move.  
  
She reached out and placed her hand on his smooth features, turning his face toward her own. With a slight smirk, she stood on tiptoe and pressed her lips lightly on his. His eyes widened in shock at her boldness, then relaxed into the embrace. "What else could I expect from her?" He thought wryly.  
  
Placing his hands on the small of her back, Zechs pulled her closer to him. He caressed the length of her back as she ran her fingers through his wild mane of hair. Noin's hands traveled from his hair to the line of his jaw, tracing its outline. They then traversed downward to touch his powerful chest.   
  
Zechs gently picked her up and set her on the grass. Breaking the kiss, they both gazed into each other's eyes in flushed excitement. Brushing her bangs out of her face, Zechs asked,  
  
"You want to do this?"  
  
Noin grinned. "I've waited for this for more years than I can remember."   
  
Zechs smiled softly at the woman under him. Slowly, he removed the shirt she had been wearing, cupping a breast through her sports bra. Noin's eyebrow rose in astonishment. "I can't believe this is happening," she thought as she wriggled out of her cargo pants impatiently, "I can't believe my dream is coming true. I can't believe...Dear Lord, Zechs is a God without his shirt on."  
  
Eagerly, Noin reached out and pulled him down to her, wrapping his arms around her waist. She brushed a stray strand of platinum hair out of his dilated azure eyes and let him kiss her neck. Arching her back, she felt Zechs' hands migrate slowly from her waist to his jeans, which he deftly unzipped and threw into a pile, along with their other garments. He caressed her cheek as he leaned up to kiss her open lips.   
  
Noin slid her tongue between his lips, wanting to torture him as he was torturing her. With his body, his hands, his entire being, he was torturing her and she had to get revenge.  
  
Wriggling out from under him, she straddled the tall man and leaned over to playfully nip his neck. He moaned and arched towards her, frustrated. Getting the results she had anticipated, Noin smiled evilly and slightly rocked her hips against his. Zechs gasped for air as the unexpected motion caused him to rise to meet her.   
  
Rolling her over onto her back, he grabbed her hands and held them over her head. Noin bit her lip in expectation as he peeled her bra off her sweat soaked body. His lips left a fiery trail against her stomach and his hair tickled her breasts as he traveled downward.   
  
Pulling him up to her lips, Noin whispered,  
  
"Now. I can't wait any longer," and then fervorently kissed him.  
  
Her body rose to meet his as he entered her. The sound of the waterfall rushed in their ears, drowning out the moans and screams of passion that escaped both their lips.   
  
Zechs pulled in and out slowly, savoring the tightness of her body, the rise and fall of her hips as he ground into them time and time again. Caught up in the momentum, he began to push into her faster and harder, holding her by the small of her back.  
  
Noin's breathing became shallow as the pace quickened; she clenched the ground with her fists tightly. She felt him in her, quickly rising to climax. She closed her eyes tightly and clung to his shoulders.  
  
Both erupted into orgasmic bliss simultaneously, a final cry emitting from Zechs' lips. Collapsing on Noin, he rested his sweat-covered body on hers. She brushed his soaked hair away from his exhausted face and kissed him gently.  
  
"Thank you," she breathed, afraid that vocal speech would break the atmosphere.  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For giving me the happiest night of my life."  
  
Zechs grinned wryly. "You're welcome, mi'lady. Or should I say, Queen Noin."  
  
Noin's eyes widened in comprehension as the last statement sunk in. She looked at Zechs, who was openly staring at her.  
  
"Would you make me the happiest man in the world, and allow me to marry the most brilliant, strongest, most beautiful woman that I've ever known?"  
  
For a moment, Noin couldn't think of whom he was talking about. Then she realized that it was her.  
  
She nodded silently in response to his question, afraid that her voice would fail her. Zechs smiled broadly then frowned as he saw a tear fall from her eye and crawl down her cheek.  
  
"Why are you crying?" he asked, confused.  
  
Noin grinned. "For such a man," she thought, "He certainly is slow sometimes."  
  
"Because I'm happy, you baka!" She yelled good-naturedly. Zechs reached out and wiped the tear from her flushed cheek.  
  
Noin recalled earlier that day; the song that was on the radio when she read the letter. The lyrics were perfect for this moment as she looked at the tear of happiness in her love's hand.  
  
  
"Oh, and by the way, Zechs," she whispered.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Happy Birthday."  
  
  
  
The End  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
